31/12/2007
Use of the brain as a recording device may become illegal
"On the heels of the RIAA's recent decision
to criminalize consumers who rip songs from
albums they've purchased to their computers
(or iPods), the association has now gone one
step further and declared that "remembering
songs" using your brain is criminal
copyright infringement. "The brain is a
recording device," explained RIAA president
Cary Sherman. "The act of listening is an
unauthorized act of copying music to that
recording device, and the act of recalling
or remembering a song is unauthorized
playback."
The RIAA also said it would begin sending
letters to tens of millions of consumers
thought to be illegally remembering songs,
threatening them with lawsuits if they don't
settle with the RIAA by paying monetary
damages. "We will aggressively pursue all
copyright infringement in order to protect
our industry," said Sherman.
In order to avoid engaging in unauthorized
copyright infringement, consumers will now
be required to immediately forget everything
they've just heard -- a skill already
mastered by U.S. President George Bush. To
aid in these memory wiping efforts, the RIAA
is teaming up with Big Pharma to include
free psychotropic prescription drugs with
the purchase of new music albums. Consumers
are advised to swallow the pills before
listening to the music. The pills -- similar
to the amphetamines now prescribed for ADHD
-- block normal cognitive function, allowing
consumers to enjoy the music in a more
detached state without the risk of
accidentally remembering any songs (and
thereby violating copyright law)."
COMBAT DIARIES COMMENT:
Brentford Scientists have solved the problem by creating a downloadable brain which under present laws can be used for downloads without penalties. This brain was created and developed originally for ShoBiz Child-Brides, top Nursery-Rhyme folk of Entertainment Media and Drama, who patently have no brain. However sometimes these folk have momentary need of such whilst shopping or wiping their bottoms. The Brentford Brain seen above can access the nervous system by means of a simple trouble-free intravenous injection. Once back home or in the studio any Star can detach the Brain, place it in a warm saline solution and carry on with whatever abba-dabba non-cerebral bough chatter the TV folk specialise in. Quorn baps and cobs (available from the Fountain Leisure Centre) and old copies of the TV Times should be dropped into this Brain Brine (available from Certified Supplies, Brentford Leisure Centre) as valuable sustaining nutrients. Quorn pressed meats (woven of reject stem-cells, junk DNA and and rejuvenated Yak-offal) may also be used to prevent the Brentford Brain going into that state of intellectual decay which scientists call sceptical dementia.